The Control Freak's Guide to Letting Go
The Illusion of Safety
In our last study, we mastered the art of silence—we learned how to sit with a friend’s pain without reaching for the spiritual toolkit or the philosophical answer. We focused on becoming a Cracked Vessel of Comfort, bringing stability to their storm. But let’s be honest: while it is hard to sit silently with a friend, it is infinitely harder to sit silently with ourselves. (or is it just me?) The moment I walk away from my friend, the anxiety returns. The relentless, internal chatter immediately insists: "I must fix this in my life. I must plan, search, analyze, and control this situation, or something terrible will happen."
This frantic energy is the single greatest spiritual hurdle I face. Nursing school Maria was the embodiment of anxiety down to the cellular level! I confess this is my default setting. Control, for me, doesn't feel like a character flaw; it feels like a necessary security measure. If I can control the situation, I am safe. I know the outcome, I know the plan. And anything that deviates from the plan—sure, I can control the next option. But the problem with control is it is suffocating. When I have tried to control situations, especially with other people, it does the exact opposite of trying to help and implodes in my face (as we can see the same with Jobs’ friends). This need for control is built on a lie: the lie that my safety depends on my foresight. This is the very engine that drove Job’s friends, wasn't it? Their toxic thinking—Suffering = Sin—was nothing more than a desperate attempt to control God. If the rules are clear, then God is predictable, and I can be safe.
The Problem With Our Hands
We read in the Bible that trying to control every plan is an illusion: "Come now, you who say, 'Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit'—yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. For what is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes. Instead you ought to say, 'If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that'" (James 4:13-15).
With God's pledge of competence, I don't have to control, and that in itself is scary. But the antidote to that fear is surrender. We are commanded:
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths" (Proverbs 3:5-6).
The ultimate peace is found when we finally stop fighting for the reins and submit to the Pilot. That stability is the true comfort.
"Be still, and know that I am God" (Psalm 46:10).
Okay now let’s be honest… that’s easier said than done. The application here of "Be Still" isn't about doing nothing; it's about re-directing your energy. The application of stillness should be an active redirection of focus. The greatest lie we believe when anxiety hits is that we have to DO something to make the chaos stop. But true biblical stillness is not passive; it's an active refusal to take the reins back from the Pilot.
🧘 Applying "Be Still": Active Surrender
Action: When anxiety flares or you rush to plan/fix something, immediately STOP and identify the "false fix." The lie is usually, "If I search Google for 3 more hours," or "If I just find the sin that caused this," or "If I get this person to agree with my plan, I will be safe." This is the energy of Job's friends.
The Pilot’s Pledge:
Action: Immediately replace the false fix with a truth about God's competence. You don't need to control the outcome because the Pilot is stable. Verbally say or write down: "I don't know the future, but the One who runs the universe knows and is stable." This brings your focus away from the problem and onto the solution.
"Cracked Vessel" Prayer: Redirect your internal energy (the energy you would have used for worrying/fixing) outward in love. Pray your personal prayer of dependence: "God, I'm weak and anxious. Fill me so completely with Your love that it flows out to [Name a Person or Task] despite my trembling." This shifts your focus from your need to be controlled to your purpose to deliver love.
Ground Yourself: Action, Stillness often requires a physical anchor. Place your hands flat on a surface and repeat: "Be still, and know that I am God." Grounding yourself physically can interrupt the mental looping that anxiety creates, enforcing the dependence you are declaring spiritually.
🙏 A Prayer of Active Surrender
Father, I come to You confessing the terrible lie that my safety depends on my foresight. I am tired of trying to run the whole show. I acknowledge that my hands are suffocating the very situations I am trying to save. I choose to trust Your Pilot’s License over my own desperate plans. Right now, I physically open my hands and surrender the reins of this [name the specific anxiety/plan]. My job is not to control the outcome, but to be faithful in this moment. You are stable, and I choose surrender. Amen.
Now we are stable, but we are still cracked. Next time, we move from accepting the stability of God to understanding our purpose: The Cracked Vessel. Why does God need our weakness to deliver His love?