🚨 Anxiety 🚨

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That’s how I feel writing this right now. 🤓 I have had this idea for a series for a while. At times, I have great passion and am ready to scream it from the mountaintops; other days, like today, I am beyond anxious to even write these words.

I’ve said before that when I look at my life, I can only see God. Sharing my story is scary; it’s not a topic most people are prepared to handle. My life has been filled with abuse, neglect, pain, suicide, and death—but also hope, passion, fun, peace, and happiness. However, those first topics are the ones that make my stomach churn.

In all honesty, I don’t remember a lot of what happened to me. I have gathered much information over the years through court documents, medical records, and therapy. Through it all, one thing remains the same: God is present.

When I speak about loving God, I can see the "side-eye" from some—whether they are family, patients, or strangers. And I get it. I firmly believe that modern Christianity is not what Jesus intended (I’ll have a series on that soon!). I don’t call myself a Christian because I don’t follow a religion; I follow Jesus.

I don’t love Jesus because my life has been perfect; I love Him because He pulled me out of horror, suicide, and anger. He pulled me out, washed me, and made me who I am today. No wrong I have done—and no evil done to me—has changed how much He loves me. Romans 8:28 says (paraphrasing, of course) that all things work together for His good. That is why I believe.

As you read my story, please read it with grace. The topics I’ll be writing about are hard. I fully expect that some readers, including my family, will not like these topics or approve of my perspective—or even the fact that I am writing this at all. And that’s okay. The truth of my life is a loud one; it is loudly declaring that God is good and that He loves me beyond comprehension. This "little old me" is a true treasure to the Creator of the universe.

My hope and prayer is that through my words, you see the same love and care He has for you. Whether you believe or not, my life is an undeniably beautiful testimony of His love. I simply cannot live without acknowledging Him.