The End…

I missed my blog entirely, and here I am now, writing late. Honestly, I’ve been feeling so heavy moving through all of this.

I checked the engagement for this series, and it went from ten views on the 10th to zero today. Zero. 🙃 Considering this series is my literal life, doesn’t that just feel amazing? 🫠 This is exactly why I didn't want to do this. Does nobody want to read this? It feels horrible. Can we just fast-forward to the "good part" of today?

Sadly, I can’t. Even in the moments I’m writing about now, I was begging God to just make it end faster—to get to the part where I feel peace, safety, and the freedom to be whoever I am. To be honest, I’m not even sure who I am outside of my own head yet.

I wish I could see myself the way others see me. Of course, many would say things that aren't nice. That’s valid; I’ve been hurting for a very long time, and because I didn’t know how to cope, that pain spilled out onto other people. We all make mistakes, and we all grow. It doesn’t really matter if you knew me prior to today—that was a completely different person. Even the "me" from a year ago is gone.

I am beyond grateful that God moves fast with my growth. In all honesty, I have sprouted. It’s amazing to be able to step back and look at my life on paper, like someone looking through a window. I finally understand why I was the way I was because of my experiences.

Understanding the "why" doesn’t change the fact that my life has been defined by so much pain, and maybe nobody wants to read about that over their 8:00 AM coffee. So, Lord, I know my testimony is amazing and I’m grateful for everything—but You know more than anyone that there is just so much hurt here. It is hard writing about it. It’s draining. And honestly, when even the writer feels like a "zero" regarding this series, it’s time to stop.

This is the last of this for right now.