ADHD + Sower
Well, it is 0243 on this fine morning! I am sitting here reading my Bible, having finally switched over to the New Testament. The Old Testament was starting to feel a bit too heavy for me lately.
Being HOT (humble, open and transparent), when I’m not in the right headspace, I have to re-read passages dozens of times! Even then, after a bit of time passes, I completely forget what I just read. I couldn’t tell you how many times I’ve read Job or Daniel, only for a few months to go by and—upon reading them again—it’s like I’m seeing the words for the first time.
I sometimes wonder: How am I supposed to write a blog about Jesus and share my opinions on a book I can’t even remember? I really do envy those people who have verses memorized verbatim; it absolutely amazes me. Don’t get me wrong, I remember the gist of the stories and the general "neighborhood" of where they are in the Bible, but word-for-word? Could not be me!!!
God, however, has a sense of humor when it comes to teaching me. Last night, I read the book of Mark up to Chapter 4. Tonight, I had to re-read it all over again because I couldn't for the life of me remember what happened. And guess which parable is sitting right there in that chapter? The Parable of the Sower. It’s the story of Jesus describing people who hear God’s word:
Those who get excited, but then the emotions wear off and they go back to doing their own thing.
Those who hear the word but are so overwhelmed by the worries of life and the "to-do lists" of the world that the stress strangles the message.
I had to stop reading and look at the imaginary camera. When I say God is "on my neck," I mean He really is! In all honesty, I almost wanted to blame Him for the fact that my life fits this parable so perfectly.
Think about it: How many times does the Bible say God created us? That He knows the number of hairs on our heads? That He knows our thoughts before we have them and our words before we speak? A lot. So, obviously, God knows I have ADHD, anxiety, and a rollercoaster of emotions.
I found myself thinking, "Hello, Sir? You’re the one who added these ingredients! Are you really getting on to me for being the way you made me?" (I was projecting, I know). I almost wanted to shut the Bible and say, "Try again tomorrow, Sir!"
But He knows, as well as I do, that isn't the reality of the situation.
ADHD often brings emotional dysregulation (the gravel) and sensory/mental overload (the thorns/worries). However, I’m learning a different way to look at it: The soil is not your identity; it is your environment.
The Gravel: This isn't a heart defect; it’s a lack of depth. In ADHD terms, this is "out of sight, out of mind." If I don't see the "roots" of what I read throughout the day, the inspiration evaporates.
The Weeds: This is just "too much input." My brain is naturally tuned to notice everything. The worries of the world feel louder to me because my brain's filter is a bit thinner than others.
So, if I can’t magically change the "ingredients" of my brain, how do I farm this rocky, weedy, beautiful messy head of mine? If the soil is my environment, I have to change how I plant the seeds!
I’ve realized I can’t study like a "neurotypical" person. I don’t need a 45-minute quiet time; I need Micro-Study—quick hits of truth that my brain can actually grab onto before the next distraction flies by!
Here is how I’m learning to "plow" my ADHD soil:
The "One Seed" Rule: Instead of trying to conquer a whole chapter and forgetting it by breakfast, I pick one verse. Just one. I write it on a sticky note and put it on my mirror. If I only remember one sentence, the "birds" can't snatch the whole field away!
Speed it Up (The 1.5x Hack): If I’m listening to an audio Bible, I increasethat speed up to 1.5x. It sounds crazy, but it forces my brain to "chase" the words. It stops my mind from wandering because if I look away for a second, I’ll miss it. It turns Bible study into a bit of a game!
Move While You Meditate: I’ve stopped trying to sit perfectly still. God made me "fidgety," so I embrace it. I listen to a passage while I’m folding laundry, pacing my living room, or even playing a mindless game on my phone. Occupying the "busy" part of my brain actually lets the "spiritual" part focus.
The SCAN Method:
When I have the capacity of focus, I use this to keep me on track:
S (Study): What does this one verse say?
C (Cherish): What’s one cool thing about God here?
A (Admit): Where are my "weeds" (worries) right now?
N (Needs): What do I need for the next hour?
God isn't pacing the floor waiting for me or even us to "fix" our ADHD so we can finally talk to Him. He’s the Master Gardener! He knows exactly how to grow something beautiful in rocky soil. We just have to keep showing up, even at 0243 AM, and let Him toss a few more seeds our way.
A Prayer for the "Weedy" Mind
"Lord,
First, thank You for being awake with me at 02:43 AM! Thank You that You never get tired of re-reading the same chapters with me, even when I feel like I’m seeing them for the first time for the hundredth time. 😊 I’ll admit, sometimes I’m frustrated with the 'ingredients' You gave me. I get tired of the rocks in my head and the weeds in my heart that seem to grow faster than I can pull them!!! I get tired of the 'out of sight, out of mind' relationship I sometimes have with Your Word. But today, I’m choosing to believe that You are the Master Gardener. If You planted these seeds in this soil, You already knew what You were working with. You aren’t surprised by my ADHD, my distractions, or my 'imaginary camera' moments. (Hopefully You love my humor and I make you at least smirk 😜) Help me to stop trying to be 'good soil' on my own and just let You be the Farmer. When the worries start to strangle the truth, give me the air to breathe. When my emotions feel like shallow gravel, help me find just one deep root to hold onto today. Thank You for the mercy of a fresh start every time I open this Book. Help me to carry just one 'seed' with me today, and let that be enough.
Amen."