The Discipline of Love
Today we shift from the "walls" of boundaries to the "heart" of how I interact with the world. Now that I have shown the lines that protect me, I can actually love people without being consumed by them.
For a long time, I believed that "standing my ground" meant getting as loud as the person yelling at me. In the Max Psych unit, I felt that "matching the energy" was my only defense. When coworkers were loud or deceitful, I became defensive.
The Hard Truth: Retaliation is just a confession that someone else has more power over your emotions than you do.
The Command to Stay Steady
In 1 Thessalonians 5:15, Paul gives us a direct order that goes against every human instinct we have in a toxic workplace:
"Make sure that nobody pays back wrong for wrong, but always strive to do what is good for each other and for everyone else."
This is the "anti-retaliation" command. It’s the discipline of refusing to pay back "wrong for wrong." True strength isn't the ability to win an argument; it’s the power to stay quiet when the world is screaming.
Paul’s definition of love in 1 Corinthians 13:4-5 holds up a mirror that is hard to look into. It says love "is not easily provoked" and "thinks no evil." Biblical love—Agape—is a discipline. It’s the choice to remain unshakeable when the world is trying to rattle you. A powerful way to understand this discipline is to replace the word "Love" with "God," because God is the source of the strength you need. Look at how it changes the perspective:
God is patient. (He isn't rushing you through your healing).
God is kind. (Even when the world is not).
God is not easily provoked. (He doesn't "match the energy" of our rebellion).
God thinks no evil. (He doesn't keep a scoreboard of your "blackout" moments or your failures).
Now, try replacing the word "Love" with your own name.
Maria is patient.
Maria is not easily provoked.
Maria thinks no evil (even when lies are being told about her character).
If that second list made you flinch, you aren't alone—because it did me! I realized that I couldn't be that person on my own strength. I was too busy using the world to validate my worth to actually love them. I had to stop looking for "Maria" to be patient and start letting the God who is patient live through me.
When you stop using people to validate your worth, you can finally start loving them with Agape love. You can look at a difficult coworker or a combative patient and see them with compassion instead of contempt. You can love them because they no longer have the power to break you.
1 Thessalonians 3:12 prays:
“May the Lord make your love increase and overflow for each other and for everyone else...”
You cannot overflow with love if you are constantly leaking peace through retaliation. I had to learn that my silence wasn't a sign of weakness—it was a sign that I finally knew whose I was.
Then vs. Now: The Quiet Strength
The difference between who I was in nursing school, psych nursing, and who I am today comes down to boundaries. Because I have learned where I end and the chaos begins, I no longer leave my soul on the clock. I didn't realize that by letting those areas dictate my stress levels, I was allowing it to dictate my soul.
On Temper and Tone:
Then: I was speaking in anger with a sharp, cussing tone. I was a live wire.
Now: I am slow to speak and have removed cursing from my vocabulary. Silence is often the loudest form of strength.
On Environment and Independence:
Then: I was trapped in a cycle of violent patients and unreliable staff.
Now: I choose my environment in pediatric home health. Working independently has strengthened my judgment, and I make peace a non-negotiable for every family I serve.
On Stewardship and Authority:
Then: I was neglecting my health and working six days a week.
Now: I prioritize my health, my workouts, and my time with my fiancé, Jose. I’ve even given Jose the "final say" on my extra hours—not because he controls me, but because I trust him to see the "phantom" of overwork before I do.
On Spiritual Connection:
Then: I was so consumed by chaos that I didn't even touch my Bible.
Now: This blog has become my altar where I connect my testimonies to the Word.
When 1 Corinthians 13 says love "does not seek its own," it means love doesn't seek to "win" the argument or "prove" its worth through overwork. By setting these boundaries, I am finally able to go home to my Chivita with a full heart. I have learned that I don't have to be "of" the environment just because I am "in" it.